Eight months ago, I still thought I had a decent marriage.
It’s not perfect. “Perfect” is a word usually used when trying to sell a lie. But I thought it was stable. Real. Safe.
Daniel and I lived in a modest two-story house outside Columbus, Ohio. There was a maple tree in the front yard and a backyard where we once talked about putting up a swing set for the kids we always said we’d have someday.
I was thirty-one and teaching third grade at Franklin Ridge Elementary. My days were filled with dictations, pencil shavings, untied shoelaces, and young children with intense emotions. I loved it. I loved watching students discover they could read a word they once feared. I loved the seriousness with which they pointed out injustices, as if someone sneaking in line were a serious crime.
Daniel worked in the insurance industry. He was organized, practical, and, for most of our marriage, kind and discreet. He often left coffee on the counter with a sticky note that said, “Go change the world, Mrs. Avery.” Sometimes he made me lunch when conferences ran late. Sometimes he called me from the supermarket to ask which yogurt I meant by “the fancy one.”
I used to believe that love lay in those little gestures.
Maybe yes.
Maybe that’s why it hurts so much when they disappear.
Rachel had always been a part of our lives. Daniel’s younger sister was loud, beautiful, theatrical, and funny. After her divorce from Greg, she started visiting us more often. Daniel said he just needed a family.
At first, once a week. Then twice. Then every Tuesday and Thursday, plus some weekends. Sometimes I’d come home and find her barefoot in the kitchen, drinking from my cup, talking to Daniel, her head tilted toward him in a way that only seemed strange if you stared at her for too long.
So I didn’t fix it.