My date ordered a $150 lobster dinner on our first date and then refused to pay — moments later, karma hit her right there in front of me. I met her on Tinder. Nothing unusual — we matched, exchanged a few messages, and she seemed normal enough. Funny, confident, the kind of person who knew exactly what she wanted. We agreed to meet for dinner a few days later. Before we even picked the place, I said it straight: “I usually prefer to split the bill on first dates.” She didn’t hesitate. “Of course,” she replied. “That’s fair.” So I thought we were on the same page. The restaurant she chose wasn’t cheap, but I didn’t think much of it. It was a first date — I figured we’d both keep it reasonable. I was wrong. The moment the waiter came over, she didn’t even look at the menu for long. “I’ll have the lobster,” she said casually. It was the most expensive thing on the menu. I ordered something simple. Not cheap, but definitely nowhere near what she picked. The whole time, she kept talking like nothing was off — like this was completely normal. When the bill came, I glanced at it. Her meal alone was more than half the bill. Still, I stayed calm. “Alright,” I said, pulling out my card, “we’ll just split it like we said.” She leaned back in her chair and looked at me like I’d just said something ridiculous. “I’m not paying,” she said. I actually thought she was joking. “What?” She shrugged. “You’re the man. Men pay. That’s how I’ve always done it.” I stared at her, trying to process what I was hearing. “You agreed to split it.” “Yeah,” she said, completely unfazed. “But I didn’t think you’d actually mean it.” At that point, I was honestly getting angry. Not just because of the money — but because of how casually she said it, like I was the one being unreasonable. And just as I was about to respond, karma stepped in.

At 32, I thought I would be able to spot a train wreck before it hit.

I would like to say I saw it coming with Chloe, but I wanted this night to go right so badly, I ignored every early sign.

I’d been off the dating scene for a while. The last serious relationship ended quietly, like a candle burning down to nothing in an empty room. The months after were not lonely, exactly.

They were just… muted. My life was all about days spent at work, evenings catching up on shows I’d already seen, and friends texting less and less because everyone’s busy, or married, or both.

I would like to say I saw it coming with Chloe,

My sister, Erin, was the one who finally pushed me to try again. “You’re too decent to be sitting at home, Evan. Get back out there, bro. It’s not the apocalypse, you know.”

She made me download dating apps on a rainy Thursday, and we sat at my kitchen counter swiping and joking until my stomach hurt.

“Wow. These women sure are confident, Ev.”

“And you want me to chat someone up?” I asked, half amused, half terrified.

“Get back out there, bro. It’s not the apocalypse, you know.”

***

When I matched with Chloe, she stood out immediately.

She was confident, pretty, and quick to answer with something wittier than what I sent. She teased me about my profile picture, me holding a fish, looking way too serious for a Saturday morning.

She messaged:

“Big catch or midlife crisis?”

I replied: “Can’t it be both?”

And that was that.

When I matched with Chloe, she stood out immediately.

***

A few days of back-and-forth, and Chloe suggested dinner.

“Let’s do something a little special. Life’s short… we need to enjoy it.”

I remember pausing before I replied. I had been on dates before where “a little special” turned into a game of chicken with the bill, or they would escape to the bathroom and never return.

But this time, I wanted to be upfront.

I needed to know that my time and energy were not going to be wasted.